i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
