I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize