Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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