just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
