You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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