Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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