Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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