official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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