She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
