I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
