yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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