32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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