I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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