I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
