What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
