girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
