And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
