Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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