i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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