if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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