Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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