i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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