My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
