Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
