i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
