apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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