She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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