I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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