she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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