I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
