Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
