I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
