you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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