Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
