last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
