So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
