You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
