I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
