im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize