I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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