This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
