so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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