she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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