To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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