is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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