He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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