I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
