lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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