i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
