nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
