Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
