You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
