I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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