K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
