my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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