Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
