Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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