did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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