i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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