Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
