I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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