Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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