i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize