I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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