Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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