He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
