I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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