Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
