So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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