but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
