last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
