hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize