Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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